Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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