Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
