You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
