you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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