she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
