Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
