I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
