Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
