I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
