so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
