The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
