What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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