You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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