so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
