I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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