remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
