BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
