Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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