Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
