for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
