new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
