thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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