I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
