I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
