Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
