Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
