anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
