Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
