So drunk its hurt
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
