apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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