I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, he came in my armpit
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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