she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she peed on how many people?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
