No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
