i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got her a Nickelback box set.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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