Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
