I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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