i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
