I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
