he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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