God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
