So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
