my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Randomize
