He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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