Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
