he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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