If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
