so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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