I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
