yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
