dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
