That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My penis needs a shock collar
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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