I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
