I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize