a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
