Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
