theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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