he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My feet surprised me
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