I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
