garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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