Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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