if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this boner is exhausting
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
