I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need moral support for this bender
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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