Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
