I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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