I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
