The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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