So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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