I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
