I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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