No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
