dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
