look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
