What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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