He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pants are for mortals
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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