I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
