i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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