I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
