So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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