sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
