I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
