dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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