He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
