um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
