I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
