I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found the puke drawer
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
