You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize