saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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