Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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