MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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