The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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