It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
