Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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