ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
