Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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