I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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