best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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